1 Cor 9:24-27

"Do you not know that all those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?

Run in such a way that you may win.

And everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore, I run in such a way as not without aim; I box in such a way as not beating the air;

but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified."

Battling the Unbelief of Impatience

Got this in a letter from Desiring God ministries. Piper has been doing a series on battling unbelief. This particular form of unbelief is one that I've just recently been dealing with in a new way. "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." Anyway...just wanted to share:

"Willing to Stand in God's Place or Go at His Pace

Are you waiting for something? I mean really waiting with deep longing in your soul for something beyond your control? You might be waiting to conceive a child, receive financial provision, see a loved one come to faith, get married, see a serious illness healed, or move in a ministry direction to which you feel called. Are you waiting for God to answer? If so, you are in a good (though hard) place.

God highly values the fruit produced in the soul that learns to wait patiently for him. So he takes pains to cultivate it in us. That's why God dealt with Abraham as he did and recorded Abraham's story for us--to encourage our anxious waiting hearts and show us what walking by faith look like.

In Genesis 12, Abram (as he was called then) is already seventy-five years old. And God promises to make him a great nation that would bless all the families of the earth and to give his offspring the land of the Canaanites. However, Abram has no offspring. His wife, Sarai, is barren.

Time goes by. No child. So Abram prudently plans to make his servant, Eliezer of Damascus, his heir. But God says, "This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir" (Gen 15:4). Then he takes Abram out and shows him the night sky and tells him that his offspring will be so numerous that counting them would be like counting stars. But in the tent it's still just Abram and Sarai.

More time goes by. Sarai gets desperate. Despite what her husband thinks God has told him, she can't conceive. She wants a child. She's done waiting. So she devises a solution: her maidservant, Hagar, could be a surrogate child-bearer for her. This sounds plausible to the eighty-six year-old Abram. But Abram did not consult God on this idea. Not wise. The solution backfires big-time.

Thirteen more years go by before God finally tells the ninety-nine year-old Abram that eighty-nine year-old Sarai will bear a son. This is (almost) unbelievable news. Both respond with the equivalent of "No way!" But God says, "Yes way!" and changes their names to Abraham (father of a multitude) and Sarah (princess). A year later Isaac is born.

Twenty-five years of waiting and no earthly reason to hope for a child. Their only hope was a promise from God. And that's exactly how God wants his children to live: by faith in future grace--the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen (Heb 11:1).

Learning to walk by faith and not by sight is hard. It was hard for Abraham and Sarah. It is hard for all of us. God designed it that way. It is his process of mercifully weaning us off of self-sufficient delusion and letting us taste the joy of what it means to hope in him alone. Learning to patiently trust a promise from God develops our capacity to really hope in eternal life. We learn not to trust our perceptions or emotions but God's promises. And over time the unseen reality of heaven becomes more real to us. There is nothing like the experience of tasting hope when all looked hopeless to teach the soul that the death we fear is not the end.

Because I'm impatient, which is to say I'm selfish and prone to believe that my will ought to be sovereign in the ordering and timing of events, I need encouragement to "hold fast the confession of my hope without wavering" (Heb 10:23). So I just finished listening twice to John Piper's message, "Battling the Unbelief of Impatience." One of the things he said that rings in my ears is,
The opposite of impatience is a deepening, sweetening willingness to stand in the place that God has appointed or to move at the pace that God has appointed...to stand in God's place or go at his pace."

Then the letter goes on with some other stuff not really related to the message. Anyway...just thought this was worth sharing. If you're interested, go to DesiringGod.org and download the sermon or request the cd.

Everyone in the kitchen...

...in aprons, doing something different.



from a recent scavenger hunt.

Led by His own hand...

Well...much has happened over the last few weeks. I had been asking God to tell me if He wanted me to start to get involved at Bellevue or not, and I received an affirmative answer. I asked again, and the words of that old hymn came to me, "What more can He say, than to you He has said..." I thought back to Exodus to a verse that I have prayed many times, "Unless You lead us up from here, We will not move." Only a few verses before that, God told Moses, " I am going with you." How many times have I waited on God, received His direction, and then asked Him if He was sure? Too many...

Anyway...They were about to start new studies in each of the Sunday School/Bible Fellowship classes at Bellevue, and I knew that this was the time to start. So...I showed up at 8:00 am and went to the Pastor's class, because they had said the previous Sunday, that if you don't know where to go, go to the Pastor's class. As I was walking in the building, I was telling God that I really can't back out, I guess. There is no church service at 8am, so I really have to go to this class, and if He wants me in a SS class, He'll take me to one, and if He wanted take me, I'd stay the whole morning. So I show up. They immediately spotted me as a visitor (the Pastor's class was an older married's class that got renamed) and this sweet lady came up to me and asked me about myself and was I looking for a specific class. I told her that I had been led to be more involved, and didn't know where to go. She said she'd take me to her daughter's class that started at 9:30 if I wanted to go, so I said ok. At 9, when we got out of class, she took me upstairs and told me that her daughter may not be there this early, but we'd go look anyway. And who should greet us as we rounded the corner into the career/singles dept? Her daughter. They talked for a minute or two, and then I visited with her daughter for a few minutes, and she let me help her kinda greet and pray over the meeting time, and then we sat down for the announcements and worship. When we got up to go to class, there was a voice from behind me that said, "Are you Kathryn?" I turned around, and there was a girl named Bethany Kyzar. As it turns out, I don't remember meeting her before, but I worked with her brother in high school, and she is a friend of one of my friends (Candice Hair). She said that Candice had told her she might see me around. She is in the same class that I was about to go to, so off we went.

Since that time, I have had several confirmations that this has been God's will. I have been amazed in seeing how, even in a church the size of Bellevue, He has led me by His own hand to be exactly where I should be at precisely the right moment. This decision to move was not an easy one. When I left the church after telling Bro. Gary that I felt God was calling me to a different church, I knew there would be a challenge coming up. The next day, Mom told me that they wanted her to start chemo, because the tumors seemed to be spreading. Again, I began to doubt God's leading in taking me further away from her house. She and I had discussed that if I began to get involved, I would probably not be home as often as I was before. I asked God if He knew what He was doing. The answer: "You of little faith...to not follow My direction is a decision based on fear and not trust." To move home or to stay at home is to say that God could not possibly take better care of my Mom than I can. And who am I kidding about that? She fell several months ago. I didn't learn about it until days later. At the very moment she fell, she could have died, because of where the break occured. God chose not to take her home at that moment, because He has a purpose in all that has followed and is following. He is over all things, and I am trusting Him completely. When I hear news like, "they are putting me on chemo until whenever," I can't say that I listen and absorb it with complete joy and peace. It still stings. But I know that the sovereign Lord of the stars, the oceans, and the world events, is the same Lord Who has led me by His own hand and placed me where He wants me. He is intimately acquainted and interested in my life, as He is the lives and hearts of all His children. And even beyond that, He loves those people who are not His children. He wants to have the same relationship He has with me, with them as well. It just blows my mind. It just completely blows my mind.

Lord, thank You for leading me and loving me, even as I falter and stumble. You alone are the Rock that I can cling to and the Refuge to which I run as these storms, these rains that fall on the just and the unjust, come down. You are the only strength by which I can stand up at all. "Not by (my) strength and not by (my) might, but by (Your) Spirit..." Neh 4:6 Only by Your Spirit, Lord.

Subscriptions...

Today, I have added a subscription availability to the blog. I don't update as frequently as I need to, and I realized that I don't check my friends' blogs but every once in awhile, and when they've been faithful to blog, it takes me forever to catch up. After subscribing to one, I found it alot easier to keep up. So...for those who want to, enter your email address on the right side of the page to subscribe. : )

A New Favorite...

I know it's been a long time since I've updated, and I should write something about what all I have been learning, or how Jinotega was, etc. But I really just wanted to share that I have found my new favorite dish at Bahama Breeze. In case you haven't been, you have to go when it's either fall or spring and sit out on the patio. And when you do go, you need to have the Chicken Santiago. (If you go at lunch, it won't be on the menu, but you can get the lighter portion. Just ask.) Anyway...it's grilled chicken with a great red pepper (?) sauce, fried yucas (a member of the potato family) and a spicy/fruity salsa that is awesome. Anyway...Just thought I'd share. It's hard to pick a favorite dish, you know?

Tidbits from Chris Rice

On walking with God:
"I would take no for an answer, just to know I heard you speak. And I'm wondering why I've never seen the signs they claim they see. Are there special revelations meant for everybody but me? Maybe I don't really know You, and maybe I just simply believe. 'Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can count up pretty high, but these faculties aren't getting me any closer to the sky. But this heart of faith keeps pounding, so I know I'm doing fine. But sometimes finding You is just like trying to smell the color 9.
"Now I've never felt the presence, but I know You're always near. And I've never heard the calling, but somehow You've led me right here. So I'm not looking for burning bushes or some divine graffiti to appear. I'm just begging for Your wisdom, and I believe You're putting some here."

On prayer:
"Fresh page, new pen, where do I begin? Words fail, tears come, I need someone to take the thoughts I almost think and carry them to God for me. Deep breath, exhale, breathe in deeper still. Long sigh, I'm still numb. Is there anyone who can find the things I'm barely feeling, and give them wings beyond my ceiling? Right heart, wrong place, it's too far to outerspace. Sorry, I forgot, You're right here. I cup my hands around Your ear. I feel You smile; You feel my breath. You listen while I whisper nonsense. Simple exchange. Your will, I'm changed. And now my prayer ends. Thank You. Amen."

On feeling out of place:
"Fading memories ignored, I crawl across the forest floor. Pool reflects an orphaned child, dirty lost, alone, and wild. Fatherless and nameless still, fallen heart and broken, will there ever be a place where I belong? I cower 'neath the monster trees, and try to stand on tired feet. But gravity knocks me to the ground, where I give up and tears roll down. I claw the dust and beg the end; curse the day that I began to hope there'd be a place where I belong. I hear a sound I recognize. You lift my chin and seek my eyes. The song of love You sing to me, I ache to sing it back to Thee. 'Father love prepares a place, and brother Jesus leads the way. Follow to the place where you belong.' How did I miss this wondrous song? The forest sang it all along. River rinses all your shame, and Father offers you His name. 'Father love prepares a home, and brother Jesus leads you on. Follow to the place where you belong.'"

Lessons...

Mom and I took a drive this evening. I haven't driven what I call "the loop" in almost a year. At first because of gas prices, and now because I've moved. But I used to drive this one little loop around the farms in Marion. In May and early June, if you drive shortly after the sun goes down, the fireflies are everywhere. I think, after June, it's too hot for them. Anyway...the milo is about ready for harvesting, and the color is spectacular. I'll post a picture soon. (My PC is on the fritz, and I'm having to use Mom's, and I don't have my camera's software on this computer.) Anyway...it was really nice to slow down a bit and enjoy the time. I have really been pretty busy lately, with work, play rehearsal, and running errands.
But I've been thinking alot lately. I think I mentioned memorizing James several months (sadly) ago, and I'm almost finished. I can't believe how much I have learned just by chewing over some of those scriptures. I guess the better way to put that is that I can't believe how much there is to be learned from those scriptures. Much self examination has taken place. I've been especially staying around chapter 4 in the latter verses. 13 "Come now you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we shall go to such and such a city, spend a year there, engage in business and make a profit.' 14 But you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. 15 Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live, and also do this and that.'"
As I was thinking about these words, my mind went to: "If the Lord wills, we shall live." And I realized that I'd never seen that before. In my mind, verse 15 had always read "If the Lord wills, we will do this and that." As if to say that God is only action and goal oriented. He only cares about what we do. But that is not true. He has plans for us for whether we live or we die.
I've been thinking alot lately about living and dying. I guess I can't seem to help it. I also feel guilty talking to people about some of what I'm learning and struggling with, because I get the feeling that people are uncomfortable talking about such things. I don't blame them. Unless I was going through or had gone through something like this before, I don't know that I'd know how to respond. Fear and discomfort steer us to avoid such subjects and people. A quick word about that, though, to anyone who's listening: avoidance isn't the way to respond. It makes that person feel even more isolated and alone. (I am still trying to understand the differences between a "load" and a "burden." One is to be born; the other is to be shared. I won't go into all of my questions on that tonight.)
Sorry for digressing...back to what I was saying earlier...I guess I have been listening for the first time and learning a great deal in the process. I have been learning about the battle that is prayer. I have questioned that often quoted verse in James 5 about the effective, fervent prayer of the righteous. I've been pondering God's promises and why He should even make promises to us, filthy and faithless as we are. There are some truths, which I'll call hurdles, that I've had to stop and examine. Hurdles that I never saw before. It's not as if I even remember stumbling over them...perhaps, I just wasn't even running in the race. I have been just standing somewhere between start and finish.
I have prayed that God would lead me out of the mediocre Christian life. I didn't, and don't, want to merely soak up the air conditioning and play my part in the hug-and-greet-ministry that is being a contemporary Christian. I have struggled with being in the world but not of it. I think I would love to live and work in a totally Christian environment, but then how would I grow, and how would the lost meet Jesus? I want God to use me and be glorified. Yet even with all the fire and passion of pleading to be used, when the messiness of life comes, I beg to be released. Did I not expect the refining process to be painful? Did I expect to be put into the fire, in order to purify my faith like gold, and for it not to hurt or surprise me, even just a little? Oh that this simple existence of mine would run untiringly the race set before me! That forgetting what lies behind, I would press on toward the goal. That I would cast off the things, little and large, that so easily entangle me and run. Lord, thank You for a second wind.

4th of July Memories...

Today is one of my favorite holidays. Why? I guess because it's a fuss-free time for family and friends to get together. I can remember going to see the fireworks show (I think it was in Jonesboro) every year. We'd break out the picnic blankets and coolers, claim a good spot, and run around until the show began. I remember one year we had 3D glasses. And another year, my dad began to think that the ash from the fireworks wasn't good for our eyes, so he bought us these sunglasses. These were no ordinary glasses. They were huge, and they had a little battery attached that powered the mini-lights along the top rim. So we wore light-up sunglasses to watch the fireworks in the dark that year.
Another fond memory is of going to the Twist's house in Earl, AR to have a huge buffet/picnic, parade, and a homemade fireworks display. My grandmother sent us a video the other day of 1982 that had July 4th, as well as Will's and my birthdays on it. It was pretty funny. There were these fireworks that had parachutes attached, and that is where the video starts. All of us kids (girls: ponytails on the side of the head, strawberry shortcake t-shirts; boys: knee-high white socks with colored stripes on the top, shorts with stripes down the sides) running around collecting them. THEN you see the men (in the same clothing as previously described for the boys) setting up the fireworks and running away when they were finally lit. There is the sound of my dad's voice calling out to me and Will to watch out and not get too close. Dad was always behind the camera and very seldom in front of it. My dad was pretty country. Mom liked to make fun of me when I came back from college, but as I watch our old home videos, I am discovering that the potential for a deep southern accent has run in the family for years. It's good to hear my dad's voice sometimes.
I remember the year the youth group decided to do our own thing, and we set off our own fireworks. There was one that went straight up the driveway and split the crowd. We all hit the pavement.
It's a time for potato salad, swimming pools, and bug spray...Iced tea, apple pie, sparklers, and staying up late. There's not really any stress involved. No picking whose family to spend it with; no presents to buy; no fuss over the menu. It's all simple and pleasant. It's a time to enjoy the people closest to you.

God has been, and is, so very good to us.

A picture is worth...

a thousand words (and memories).

This picture is from The Office, one of the few shows that I adore. How excited am I that the season finale is playing again this Thursday? Answer: very (since the power went out when I had tried to tape it the first time.) I had to wait almost a week before I could find out what happened.

Lyrics..In Christ Alone

This is probably an old song, but I think I'm just hearing it recently, even though the first time I heard it, it felt very familiar. But maybe that's just a quality of a great song. Anyway...my favorite is in bold.

"In Christ alone my hope is found; He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought or storm. What heighths of love?! What depths of peace!? When fears are still, when striving cease, my Comforter, my All in All. Here in the love of Christ, I stand.

"In Christ alone Who put on flesh, fullness of God in helpless babe. This gift of love and righteousness scorned by the ones He came to save. 'Til on that cross as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied, for every sin on Him was laid. Here in the death of Christ, I live.

"There in the ground His body lay, Light of the world by darkness slain. Then bursting forth in glorious day, up from the grave He rose again. And as He stands in victory sin's curse has lost its grip on me, for I am His, and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ.

"No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cry 'til final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand. 'Til He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ, I'll stand."

A note on updates...

Unfortunately, I only get the opportunity get onto the internet once or twice a week. (Really, I'm just too cheap to get internet at my apt.) Anyway...it just means that when I update, it's a bunch of stuff. Perhaps it's a good lesson for me to think through what I want to say instead of continually putting one or both feet in my mouth or saying the first stupid or silly thing that comes into my head. This way, it's the second or third stupid or silly thing that comes out. ;-)

Going soon...

Click on the map to see where. Updates will follow. Please be praying for our group.

From my garden...

Here is a sample from my small garden on my balcony. Really, it's the only flower. My peony is finally growing up through the dirt, so I can tell it will be a very long time before it blooms. And my banana tree has already doubled in height! Everything else is just green, but I can't wait to have all that green indoors in the winter.

Wedding Photos...

Recently, Mom and I were able to salvage her wedding album from the storage shed. I'm SO glad we were able to save them!! And I'm SO glad that we have things like scanners and printers and memory sticks, so I don't have to worry about losing them! Anyway...can you tell I belong to this cute couple?



By the way...HELLO 1972!!

A broken neck? To God be the glory!!!

Well...many things have transpired since I last wrote. Let me start by saying, as some of you may already know, Mom's breast cancer is back and has spread. She has been taking a hormone that, by the grace and direction of God, has been working in shrinking the tumors. We went for a PET and a CT scan last Friday, and she got the good news of the size decrease on Tuesday. She also received a panicked plea from her oncologist to immediately put on her neck brace (from her surgery in '03) and see a neurosurgeon the next day. So off we went...
At the neurosurgeon's office, the neurologist came in, told us that it appears on the CT that C2 (the second vetebrae in the spine) had collapsed and sent a large fragment of bone into the spinal canal where the spinal cord likes to stay. (Mom fell in April in the kitchen while climbing over a dog-gate.) She said that Mom would more than likely need surgery to correct this. She then took Mom away to take some x-rays, while I broke down in the room. Sometimes, one just cries almost as if it were a reflex. When you feel that old pain and fear, you cry. Then, after the x-rays were consulted over, the surgeon came in to talk to us. He stated that if any other vertebrae had broken, she would have immediately been a quadraplegic. As it just so happens, (which I know how it just so happened) the area around the spinal cord in that one spot, is two to three times the space needed by the spinal cord, so that as it stands now, Mom is still up and walking and feeling almost two months after shattering C2. He also told us that the fracture is healing and is stable at this point in time, but she is to wear her brace for the next three to six months. As he was sharing this information, I again began to cry, but this time not because of fear. This time, tears of absolute gratitude and awe at what God has done were shed.
Mom and I were in shock the rest of the day, and each time I share the story, I am still (almost) speechless. I mean...Can anyone doubt God's hand over my Mom? Can anyone ignore the gravity of what has happened? People have said, "How lucky!" and I want to scream, "It's not luck!!!!" It is because the God who orders the planets and the seasons, the God who created the heavens and the earth, the God Most High reached out his hand and had mercy over my Mom's life. Out of His love for her, He spared her from this...this...I can even find the right word for what it would have been. I can't praise Him enough for this love and mercy! To God be the glory!!
Mom says that people have said to her, "Why didn't God keep you from falling?" Her reply: "God does not always protect us from our own stupidity." She has also said that, as if it wasn't clear enough that she was walking around on this planet by the grace of God, she is now a billboard. (She's a little self-conscious of the collar, as we would all be.) And even though when we look at each other now, knowing how uncomfortable the collar is, and what a hassle it is to catch a ride to and from work and to every other place you want to go, we also know what a blessing it is to be able to wear this uncomfortable collar that interferes with every aspect of your day, because it means you can continue to walk, and feel the fabric of your socks, and type, and feed yourself each day. We have truly been blessed. I do not pretend to even begin to understand the goodness of God. I really don't. We have not deserved this kindness. I know I have been so very weak with every little challenge. I have failed Him in SO many ways. And yet, He chooses to bless us? I don't understand, but I am humbly grateful. Praise and glory to God!! Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy!

The Minutiae of Healing...

I was thinking this morning, and I guess a little over the last couple of days, about healing. There is so much that goes into healing that just isn't expressed by saying, "He made the blind to see, the lame to walk, and the dead to live again."
Skin, for example...Normal skin takes a few days to heal. (7-10 and sometimes longer if you want the exact numbers.) First, there is a cut. A blood clot forms in the cut because it is exposed to collagen fibers in the surrounding tissues. As various cellular hormones, etc. are expressed, that clot becomes granulation tissue. Granulation tissue is fairly nerve/pain free, but it is very vascular. Believe it or not, this makes it great at fighting off infection. It then becomes the lattice on which the basal layer of skin cells can creep across until the two edges meet. Once that occurs, it can slowly fill in the gap, going from that sensitive "baby" skin to the kind that was there before the wound occurred. A small scar is most always left behind, especially if the basal layer of skin was separated.
As for vision...There are SO many things and differences and pathways involving the eyes. First of all, depending on what side of your eye an object is visible, it may stay visible to the ipsilateral (same) side of the brain or cross over to the contralateral (opposite) side of the brain from where you "see" it. There are areas of the brain which store visual images which only took you nanoseconds to visualize, then an immediate assessment of depth, distance, and travel velocity are calculated so you can miss the fist coming at your face, or something like it. There are areas that detect movement in the stillest of environments (FYI: these areas are huge in prey animals, because they are always looking for their lurking enemy.) The retina has areas that detect the amount of light and the color of the light wave. (If matter is matter and doesn't change, and light is both a wave and particle, and you see something as blue that I see as aquamarine, then what color is it really? It's a question I've asked since high school physics...yes, I guess I truly am a geek.) The retina then transfers all that information via two major pathways, one that crosses, and one that doesn't, and your brain puts the whole image together. Did I mention that the lens flips the image upside down and then somehow between your retina and your brain it gets flipped back right-side up? Also, there are small muscles in charge of your lens attachments in the eye. They contract (involuntarily!) to focus both far and near. All of this occurs without your even thinking about it. How we translate what we are seeing into what is real takes awhile to develop. People say that babies best see primary colors and are near sighted as they are newborns, and they slowly develop the ability to de-fuzz who that is standing over them as they get older. Along with the seeing comes the perception associated with that image. It's all very intricate.
People who've injured limbs or had prolonged brain injury must undergo lengthy physical therapy in order to build up strength, tone, balance, and fine motor control all over again. (I actually just deleted a long section from this very spot about the spinal cord, injuries, and the daschund. You can thank me later.) Ultimately, what I mean to point out is that muscle atrophy, either by disuse or because of lack of nervous stimulation, is very hard to combat. There are muscle fibers which are best suited to sprinting (aka. endurance fibers.) There are some dedicated to strength (aka. bulky fibers.) There are whole muscle groups devoted to keeping your balance while standing up straight on level ground. These fibers, their nervous pathways, the perception of what is being sensed and is really happening, and the coordination of movement is something that we slowly develop as we learn to flip over, rock back and forth on our hands and knees, crawl, walk, run, and then skip or dance. It takes YEARS for us to develop these skills and strengths. For example, there are no 2 year old prodigy prima dona's in the Moscow Ballet.
Finally...I can't speak to human medicine in this area, but I was taught in school that if you really want to resuscitate an animal via CPCR (they've changed it to cardiopulmonary cerebral resuscitation, because it is no use to bring back the heart and lungs if the brain is dead), then you must open the chest and do manual cardiac massage within 60 seconds of arrest. We can pump them full of drugs, shock them with a few hundred volts, and we can get a pulse back. But if the brain is without oxygen for mere minutes, irreversible damage occurs. Nervous cells don't like to regenerate. They die and deteriorate very quickly. And as we all know, the brain is the control panel for every function in your body. There are even reflexes set in place that will try to protect your brain in the event of trauma, etc. (I'm talking about shifts in your blood pressure, even in the face of stress, that attempt to keep your brain from swelling more than has already occurred.)
I give you this long-winded science lesson to say that when God heals a leper and makes them whole, or when the paralytic stands up, picks up his pallet, and walks out, or when the blind man washes the mud from his eyes and sees, just what a miracle has truly occurred. God is sovereign even over the smallest cells in our bodies. He orchestrates and puts into being pathways and perceptions that our brain usually takes years to put into habit. It just amazes me that our Creator is in control of EVERY detail. Nothing is left out. When He heals, He heals COMPLETELY and FULLY. I know that right now, I'm speaking mostly of His ability to heal us physically, but the spiritually implications are just as real. He CAN make the blind man to see, the lame man to walk, and the dead to rise again. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, MARVELOUS are Thy works, and that my souls knows well. Praise God for his infinite wisdom, design, and control.

Cancer...

How much do I hate that word. I hate everything about it. It is insidious. It is consuming. It brings suffering of all kinds. It brings doubt and questions. It brings worry and fear. It makes every minute felt. It forces us to face our humanity and frailty. It drives us into the very lap of God, to Whom we look for answers, comfort, strength, and endurance.
Can I hate cancer and love God?...Can I hate the trial and not the fellowship it brings?...Can I be so honest with God that I actually verbalize all my desires before Him, even if they may not coincide with His will?...
This last has been just one of the struggles for me. My head says that I am to ask God for His will to be done. My head says it's ok to ask God to heal my Mom. My head says to keep the requests under control and not to let my heart scream out it's own requests. But my heart cannot be silent. I confess that what I want may not be God's will. It shocks me to learn that I actually struggle with being that honest with God. I'm almost ashamed to tell God exactly what I want, because I'm afraid that I'm out of His will. And yet, He wants us to make our requests known to Him. I mean, He knows our hearts, and He knows what we need before we even ask. But He does want us to ask, doesn't He?
I feel like that small child that is having to obediently clean his room, but that whimpers and cries the entire time. I want to throw myself onto the floor and throw the biggest tantrum ever, and then just lay there until this all goes away. But I cannot. I must choose to make precious memories from each day and try to keep them stored so that I will never forget the sound of her voice, or the color of her eyes, or the way that she comforts me when I'm losing it.
Oh God...thank You for this time. I don't like it. I'm uncomfortable. I'm scared. But I know that there is a purpose in this pain. You are sovereign, Lord. I know You are fully aware and fully in control of everything, no matter how minor, that is going on. Please continue to sustain. Give us grace. If it would be Your will, Father, heal her. Restore her. I know you absolutely can. You gave muscles that were mere fibers the immediate ability and strength to not only move the joints, but to allow the finely-tuned control needed to skip and not fall down. Muscle fibers that had never really existed in the first place. We spend years as toddlers and children developing those skills of balance and muscle tone. You can put them there instantly. I know You can heal her. But Lord, I accept Your plan. Just keep helping me through it. Give Mom all she needs. Please spare her from pain. Please, Lord. Please.

Saturday Mornings...

Today I was reminded about some of my favorite Saturday morning traditions and memories from many years ago. Why was I reminded about them today, as today is Sunday? Well...I spent the night at a friend's house last night, and due to the icy roads, church was cancelled, so we had bacon, eggs, and biscuits this morning for breakfast. As we were cooking and then eating, I was reminded of making Saturday morning breakfasts every time I'd spend the night with one of my friends. She and I would get up on Sat., make pancakes, bacon, toast, eggs: the works, and then everyone would sit down and have breakfast. Recently, another friend told me that their Sat. morning tradition was for her husband to get up and make breakfast for the kids.
I can remember special things, as a child, I either ate or learned to make on our Sat. mornings. We had blueberry pancakes. And we always begged Mom to make pancake teddy bears. (They'd have either blueberry or raisin eyes.) I learned that the best way to make scrambled eggs is to add a little milk and use the skillet after cooking the bacon. Or we could have omelets. Mom is really good at flipping them perfectly. Occasionally we'd have fresh squeezed orange juice, ('cause there was some big craze about fresh juice back then. Pity it just takes alot of work for a tiny cup of juice.) And on your biscuits, there is nothing like "Kentucky Jam" as my grandad called it. You mix a little bit of butter with sorghum (aka "sorgrum" as we kids called it) or molasses, and it's delicious !! We really didn't use too much jelly. OH! And on special occasions (Christmas morning or birthdays) we had country ham. I still like to put a slice of country ham in my biscuit to make a little sandwich.
I LOVE Sat. morning breakfasts!! I had completely forgotten all about them. I have to work most every Sat. now, and my family doesn't really do the whole family-get-up-and-cook thing. Cereal or a smoothie is usually what I'm having for breakfast these days. And I hate that I'm not even really sure how to make sausage and gravy (another southern breakfast tradition.) Cooking is something that I enjoy but that I don't really do if I'm cooking for just me. You know? Anyway...I'm hoping to change all that in the near future. I'm told that planning a menu and actually cooking those foods is a great way to save money and have homecooked food. SO...that's what I'm going to start doing. (I hope.) I want to be able to cook effortlessly. And that isn't how I cook now. I've told myself in the past that I'd wait until I'm married, or until I have a bigger kitchen, or until I have that KitchenAid mixer I want, or until "put condition here" to learn. All of those are just easy excuses to justify living off of ramen noodles and sandwiches. So...I'm saying hello to my pots and pans. I'm taking that microwave rice maker back to Wal-Mart. (Really, that was just a lazy purchase. I know how to make rice; I'm just impatient.) I'm going to crack open one of the 10 cookbooks that I have, and I'm going to start cooking. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
And maybe, someday, I'll have more fun Sat. morning breakfasts with my family. If you haven't had one in awhile, I hope you'll take the time to do it. The memories are priceless.

Scripture Memorization

I read this on Jordan Thomas's blog back in December, and it has really helped me out. Recently, I felt burdened to memorize more, and I've started attempting James. SO...I hope this helps all those who struggle to memorize God's Word. It's amazing to me how much it helps to say the verse number prior to each verse. My brain really functions much better to recall the verse accurately when I learn it that way. The site is by First Baptist Church in Durham, NC. Click on the link, then click "writings," then "An Approach to the Extended Memorization of Scripture."

Lessons from a shepherd...

Currently, we are going over Psalm 23 in church. I was told some interesting things about that psalm in relation to actual shepherding, and I have seen with my own eyes some other characteristics of sheep that explain how we as people are described as such in the Bible. I may add more as Bro. Gary goes along, but here is what I've learned thus far:

1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want."
Sheep are totally dependant upon the shepherd. Sheep are not very bright creatures. Without a leader, they scatter. I watched a professor in school one time training his dog. There were four sheep. The dog cut the leader from the group, and the other three were clueless. They all ran together, but each in different directions. (It was like one of those vector equations in geometry. The one in the middle ran straight, and the ones on each side ran towards the other side.) Sheep are helpless. So are we. And because the LORD is our shepherd, we shall not want for anything. He has promised to provide all we need for life and godliness. If He clothes the lilies and feeds the birds, how much more will He provide for us? Jehovah Jireh: God Who Provides. The LORD is my shepherd. I shall not want.

2 "He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters."
Sheep do not drink from fast-running water. They cannot rest when there is stress. The shepherd leads them to peace and nourishment. It is the same for us. He is our Sabbath rest. Without Him, there is no peace.

3 "He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."
When a sheep was prone to wander, the shepherd would break it's leg and set it straight again. Then, during the healing process, the sheep would, by necessity, stay close to the shepherd. For it's own protection, some pain must be encountered, but the end result was a closer walk with the shepherd.

4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and staff, they comfort me."
The rod and staff were used both for defense and discipline. Who would have thought that the discipline of the Lord would be a comfort, but He says that he disciplines those whom He loves. What a comfort to know that we can trust Him and be grateful for His protection and His discipline.

5 "Thou dost prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; Thou has anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows."
The shepherd would go into the fields ahead of the sheep and plug any holes where predators (snakes, etc) may be dwelling. A table prepared in the presence of enemies. He would also put oil on their heads to keep insects away. How much does the shepherd care for his sheep?! Of course the cup overflows.

6 "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
Amen.

The Next Thing...

Well...I have determined my next thing. I'm moving. I've been praying about it for several months (if not for the past 2 years), and things have just finally fallen into place. You see...I think God finally hit me over the head with a tack hammer. Recently, I had been telling some of my friends that no matter how crazy your authority is, you should trust that God will protect you if you obey...ie. if you're under His authority, then you're under His protection. Well...one night, Mom and I were having a discussion, when I realized that I wasn't under my authority. She was saying "it's time," and I was saying, "oh, you don't know." Umm...Hello?!? Anyway...so...all these doors started to open, and even though I don't know what I'm doing, or why, I know that I should take each step as it comes.
It's a strange feeling. People have asked, "are you excited?" Well...I'm not sure. Others have asked why on earth I'm moving out. All I can say is that it's the next step and that it's time. Other than that, I don't know. That's what's strange. I'm not one that adapts to change easily, and I very seldom step out without having the next 10 years mapped out, etc. But I'm learning. And I am excited to know that I'm moving as God directs. And that's enough for me.