Well...quite a bit has happened over the last couple of weeks. So much, in fact, that I had to share.
Our church decided soon after Katrina hit the coast that we'd help feed people each night. Actually, we decided that we'd feed people for Wednesday and Thursday nights, and that we'd "think" about feeding them through the wkd depending on the need. What part did I play? I traveled to all the hotels in the area and passed out fliers with the necessary information. To make a long story short, I was SO overwhelmed by the numbers of people, that I elected (foolishly) not to send fliers to a hotel in Marion. My thought: "Well...I've already had to ask Bro. Gary to get more lasagna, so we'll see what the turn-out is tonight, and I can always take the fliers by tomorrow if we don't overflow tonight."
That night, we fed somewhere between 150 and 200 people. At the end of the evening, even after sending out plates of food and dessert, the kitchen staff was able to sit down and finish off the last tray of lasagna. It is a humbling experience to eat food that you know is/was blessed. With each bite, I was reminded of my own faithlessness earlier that day. Who was I to say that God couldn't feed as many people as showed up? When did it become my job to determine what God could and couldn't do? I had completely forgotten the loaves of bread and fish.
The next night, before we started serving people, someone called in and asked for 14 plates of food. (They had picked up 8 the night before.) As I stood in that kitchen, I was amazed at the discussion that took place in lieu of the plate preparation. "Would we have enough food?" "There were so many last night, wouldn't there be as many, if not more, tonight?" "14....that's alot of food." Well....I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't want to re-live the shame of the night before. So...again to make a long story short, we prepared the plates. In the process, it was pointed out that we only had 2 very large tubs of veggies, so couldn't we just put less than a serving-spoon full on each plate? After all, "there may not be enough." That night...we fed about 50 people. We had veggies, chicken and dumplins', and fried chicken coming out of our ears.
The lesson from all of this: I want to have, and live, big spoon faith. It's the kind of faith that says "I can serve large, heaping spoonfuls, because God will provide." That kind of faith is nothing new. It is "...the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Heb 11:1) It is an action. It is proceeding based on the belief that God is big enough and is in charge enough to take care of whatever lies ahead. If we are in His will, then we are under His protection. Does that mean nothing but cushy times lay ahead? Certainly not. But does it mean that when tough times occur, that He has ceased to be in control or to care? Absolutely not.
AND....since that time, I have been awed by even more. God answered the smallest of my prayers in such an obvious way, and I was completely blown away. Both by the fact that He chose to answer "yes" when He could have said "no," and by the fact that I was so surprised that He did choose "yes"to such a small, selfish request. I mean, I think we get so accustomed to rattling off requests that I think we often forget to actually talk to God from our heart. We don't ask for things, because we decide that they aren't worth God's time to listen to or grant. "Surely that is something stupid that I shouldn't even bother God with." Again...faithlessness. God desires a PERSONAL relationship with us. How freeing it is to come to God with EVERYTHING. Everything!! And, I was reminded, yet again, that God is in control of even the tiniest of events in our lives. And if He is in control of the small things, then how much more does He orchestrate the big things.
I am, unfortunately, a worrier. I get so caught up in trying to see 10 years from now, that I have a hard time taking the next step. I am learning, thankfully, to obediently take that next step regardless of what I think or the fear that I feel. I have experienced a new confidence that I don't remember having for a very long time. Why do I doubt? What do I fear? Because I am such an idiot.
Anyway...I hope that I will remember and continue to live these lessons that I'm learning. I seem to have to relearn them over and over again. You'd think that I would have gotten some of them by now. It's all about training and conditioning myself to obey. For example, my body does not like to get up early and run. But my body is not in authority over me. The natural is exactly that: natural...comfortable...habitual. I have to form new habits. Am I making any kind of sense? I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said before. I am just really encouraged and excited to see God at work and to see what He's going to do. 'Cause the possiblities are unlimited.
